I Refuse To Call It A JJ

From genius strip club marketing to technological idiocy, we run the gamut from self-incriminating porn viewers  to Russia trying to ban swearing on the internet. While the Pope acknowledges gay priests and overweight people get chucked out of New Zealand, we launch into a serious PSA and attempt to educate you about how to catch your cheating male significant other.

Stories mentioned in this episode of the Nothing Serious Podcast include:

If You’re Not Pissing Someone Off You Aren’t Doing It Right

Don't Discriminate

The trouble with humor is that always offends somebody. Trust me.  We get given out to regularly on Urlybits, IsViral and Unfollowing Jesus for offending or insulting people. You just can’t win.

If you make a joke about anything that somebody can identify with the chances are you’re offending somebody.

Rag on women and you’re a misogynistic, wife beating, cheating alcoholic that likes to kick puppies in his spare time.

Quip about men and you’re a gynonazi, feminist, frigid cock tease.

Any type of religious or political statement never fails to offend somebody.

Make a pun about Mohammed and receive death threats. Poke fun at Christianity and you’ll receive comments about how you’ll burn in hell, they’ll pray for your soul, they think you’re an f’n ignorant cunt and they hope someone will shoot you down.

Atheists call you stupid in many varied and rather eloquent forms that may take you a while to decipher.

Take a jab at science and you’ll get the really hardcore nerds pointing out the fallacy of the argument while making comments about your (lack of) intelligence.

Insult the delicate feelings of gamers who like to pretend that they are hardcore special forces and you’ll find out how many 12 year old’s have slept with your mother.

Jest about the the dead and even 20 years later it’s still too soon…

Slaptsick is offensive to the over protective “helicopter parents” and don’t you dare, ever, make a joke about the poor, poor children (especially the fat ones).. or you’re the worst kind of evil ever. Even Hitler looks like a sweetie pie in comparison.

So that leaves… well, it leaves posting pictures and videos of cats, which I personally think is animal cruelty as they never gave their consent to be videoed or have their intentions twisted by a cruel internet. Also, they don’t even get an extra sardine thrown in with their dinner. Poor animals get such a raw deal.

Cutting to the chase, I think it’s fairly obvious to readers of this blog that 99.99% of the time you can’t say or do anything of substance without pissing somebody off and if you can’t handle that then you need to get off the intertubez, take  your toys, go home and cry like a little boy who just got beaten up by his baby sister.

I don’t know who said it but – “if you’re not pissing somebody off you aren’t doing it right” and honestly, if it doesn’t piss somebody off then it’s probably not worth posting at all.

Sorry Facebook. Paddy Says – No Can Do!

Irish Paddy“How’s it going there FB? How’s the health? Wife not getting you down? Good. Good.

C’mere to me FB. I’ve been looking at all them new buttons and wigdets and “like” things you sent us t’other day and I wanted to run a few things past ya. To yer face as it were, coz, ya know, I didn’t want you getting the wrong idea.

We’ve always had a fairly descent friendship you and I. I’ve scratched your back and you’ve scratched mine, so to speak. I’ve given you my personal details, me pictures, videos, duck eggs when you wanted them and encouraged folks to go join that club of yours. I’ve even spread the word about your club with fliers and with them wee share buttons and “follow” buttons for the pages I have and I’ve even looked at all that daft advertising on the wall and the side of the page to, you know, offset your costs for all them waiters you’ve got working for you. What? Oh Servers? Servers…  Sorry.

In return, well, you know I’d ‘ve been happy with a few pints, but instead you’ve sent me the bit of traffic here and there. You know, the old eyeballs that have followed them share things to my sites. ‘N that’s been grand and all. Don’t get me wrong, but this new comments box?

Seriously, ‘tween yourself and meself – Your having a joke right? A bit of a lark? Yer taking the piss expecting folks like meself to stick that up on me site?

Don’t interrupt will ya. Let me finish. I know that Aussie, Duncan Riley at the Inquisitr, has done it, but what do ya expect? He’s not from around here.  He’s Australian, what do they know ya bleedin eejit? It’s all them barbecued Koala’s they eat. Does funny things to a man… Not like a good leg of lamb and some spuds.. Anyway.. where was I? Oh yes…

Do ya really need all the comments that Geraldine and Patrick leave on the internets being pumped in to your system there? Don’t ya think there’s a better way, I mean, I put a lot of work into my site. Had some bloke says he knows S&M and A.D.D. tell me the work was top notch ‘n all. He also told me that I could use some weird Japanese yoke, an “import” of some sort,  to get the XXL and move my stuff and all of Ger and Patricks words to a new site like Touch Pad, er, Type Pad? Although why he’d be thinking I’d want to give me stuff to one of those womens products companies is beyond me?

Anyhow, if I did use your commenting thingy, would the XXL still work? Would the Japanese fella be able to get the lads writin out and put it elsewhere?

Don’t look at me like that boy! I know I’m just a thick, shimple, country Paddy to you. But this Mick doesn’t like givin’ up control of what he’s worked bloody hard to develop and foster. Just like I won’t be sellin ole Maureen over there. Hand reared her I did. Good milkin cow…

So seriously. Are you takin the piss or what? Coz, you know I like you, always has a few pints with yerself and the misses, but I can’t be doing that if I have to give up me data and can’t get it back. ‘Twould be like when we gave Ma to the nursing home and they lost her. Still paying for the room we are, and a bloody year gone by since they lost her.

And the S&M fella would feckin kill me…”

Why I’m Not PC In This Online World

Paul - Definitely Laughable
Definitely Laughable

I received an email earlier today because someone felt that I had been more than a little unfair towards redhead people in my commentary on this post on Daily Shite.

Subject: Gratuitous Abuse

So Paul, why pick on redheads?  That seems gratuitous.  They get enough shit without clever folks like you stooping to that kind of abuse.  Leave it to the morons.
All due respect,

Tom

I feel that the reply I emailed to Tom is worth posting here and speaks for itself:

Hi Tom,

Thanks for your email. I get where you are coming from but with all due respect we do *not* pick on redheads.

Picking on somebody would imply that we single them out. We don’t. We make fun out of every race, color and creed. White or black, blond, brunette, redhead, male, female, skinny, fat, emo, goth, American, Irish, Chinese, Canadian or Darth Vader, we don’t pick on anybody, if there’s a joke or comment to be made, we make it.

You see Tom, I hate political correctness. I believe it will be the downfall of society because eventually there will be nothing left that you could possibly say that wouldn’t offend someone. Those who abide by PC rules are looking to be molly coddled through life and that is, unfortunatley, not the way real life works.

I’ve known and know plenty of redheads. One of my best mates is of the ginger fraternity and has a serious carrot top for a brother. Hell, one of my own brothers is a member. None of these people were offended by the post.

Throughout the 1300+ posts on the site we have made commentary about just about every race, sex, color, creed and hair color. Even the Irish have been given shit by the authors of the site and you wouldn’t think that would happen when I (one of the co-owners) is Irish. Not only that, but I have personally been slagged off in a few posts.

I’m sorry Tom, but if we stop making comments about any one type of person deliberately then it becomes favoritism and then it does become *picking on people* because we are actively discriminating.

If people can’t take a joke, then I’m sorry, but we aren’t going to stop making jokes just because they might offend a handful of people.

I know the world has gotten so arse backwards lately (because of the PC movement) that the will of the outspoken minority dictates what happens to the silent majority but that is not they way things should be and not the way I will live my life or run Daily Shite.

We make no bones about what kind of site we are. We make no apologies for our content. We have our guidelines we work within (no porn, no T&A etc…), but I am not going to censor myself or the other Daily Shite authors just because a handfull of people get offended.

Where does it stop Tom? Do we see a repeat of Denmark and the Mohammad cartoon scandal? Do we limit every bodies right to free speech because a handful of people can’t handle it?

As far as I see it it’s a very black and white thing. Either everybody is fair game to be poked fun at, or nobody is. I’ll bet that red headed folk poke fun at blonds. Will they stop? I doubt it! Should they? Never!

Thanks for the email.

Paul

Thoughts and opinions are welcome as always.

From Spam Comes Wisdom

Steven Murray sent me this today as one of those annoying emails which get mass mailed to everybody in your address book.

While I usually regard these things as spam (they are) this one holds a grain of wisdom that is worth keeping in mind (I stripped out all the stupid GIFs that were embedded between the paragraphs):

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else…

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, “I’ll give you a $100 if you let me
screw you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, “I’ll be fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up. “

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend… So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, “Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won’t even be able to get his
pants down.

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She responded, “The bastard used coins!”

Management lesson:

Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting!